Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
