I got chris browned last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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