i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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