I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
