Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
