Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
