I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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