oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
