You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize