You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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