I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
