what day is it and did you see me today?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
