That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
