Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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