If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im part way to drunk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
