omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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