I wish my penis had an off switch
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
