just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
