Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I cut my penus on the lid.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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