im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
