thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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