when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
