dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i think i just lost a toe
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
