it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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