I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
