Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
