roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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