xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is Oprah even human
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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