sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
