Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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