It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
