I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
