Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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