You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
