everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
