So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
