A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im six kinds of drunk right now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
