I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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