lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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