How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
