I smell stomach acid.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
