blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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