so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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