I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
