I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
