i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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