you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
