She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
