so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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