I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We got so high we made milksteak
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
