census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
