Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
