where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
