Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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