She said her name was "party"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
