Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Farmville is her only friend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
