there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
