New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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