Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
