I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
