I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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