You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
