Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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