There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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