I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
