I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When are your genitals available?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
