spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize