non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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