when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
