Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
