i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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