For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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